You searched for it, found yourself desperately wanting it; a time in which that something moves swiftly, fluidly over you without the relentless memory of it cruelly, playfully peeling at your skin and enviously rushing in to hammer down what you’ve built up.
If there is anything you do, believe this- it does come. It takes you from behind, like a huge fistful of wind pushing you as you run across the expanse of a field. It treads carefully across your limbs, then seeps through into your insides.
It intertwines wisteria into your ligaments, swells cherry blossom in your chest, threads honeysuckle down your veins. It trickles a little molten lead into your blood, heats your stomach with fuelled flames, and sifts your head with a net allowing only grit and humour and hope to pass.
The it. It’s empowerment. And it’s temperamental, it’s stubborn, it won’t be clutched at by outstretched hands. But it does steadily invigorate those who fall and learn and fight and want, although at times with a foot almost in waters of submission, to believe that there is and will be better out there.
In the meantime, there is the gradual assembling of trusting that you are enough, that you absolutely radiate worth.
No wonder some get tempted by your being. But as they get closer, some become overwhelmed, scared, and pull themselves quickly away.
Yet, this won’t completely disorientate you. Your indignation chirrups too unhelpfully for that.
Alexandra Shaw x